The modern woman

Modern Woman

Ok you asked for it…so here it is.

In my last post I articulated my thoughts on the modern men of today… in this post I will give you my perception of the modern woman.

Woman are becoming harder to please our expectations are too high and far to unattainable. We expect the world but don’t want to reciprocate the effort.  While we demand attention, when we get it, it either isn’t good enough or it is too much… we can’t be pleased.

We don’t give men second chances and we are far too judgemental… we compare every new date with the last and are happy to tell you when you aren’t pleasing us.

We are unforgiving and demanding.

The modern woman is too fussy… we don’t want hook ups or texts but we don’t want to be smothered.

We judge men for being unfaithful but we are more than happy to accept some attention and flirt with married or taken men… quick to criticise but we need to practice what we preach.

Gone are the days of staying at home tending to our mans every need… we can be too competitive in work and love…

I think the modern woman is guilty of texting too much…we get the courage to lead you down the garden path behind the keyboard but when it comes to putting it into action we are no where to be found.

We take much more than we give…

Women seem to have less boundaries…

We sacrifice what we believe in when we love someone…a detrimental trait…for when there are no boundaries there are no solid foundations.

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The Modern Man

modern man

I have been on dates with many different men, all very different… Different personalities, jobs, lifestyles, bank accounts and looks. Yet it seems there is one recurring similarity all these men seem to share.

They have become what I dub the ‘modern man’. Chilvry is a thing of the past and dating has become more of a ‘hook up’. Dinner and a movie is a rare event instead we get texts asking for a casual drink on a Friday after work with his mates.

Men have lost the confidence to call, they take the easy way out knowing texting has now become the accepted form of communication. Many younger women in their 20’s haven’t even experience a real date… the casual hook up is becoming the new date.

With less one on one communication do you ever truly get to know someone?

Men who understand the importance of picking up the phone are far and few in-between…. This is why single women in there mid twenties to early thirties are out numbering the single blokes. We have high expectations that aren’t being met.

Unfortunately for the modern man monogamy is a thing of the past. Gone are the days of ‘until death do us part’. It’s been replaced with ‘until I find someone better’. Turn your back for a minute and your man is already lining up his next target. Even the most faithful of men in the most loving relationships. Dangle the bait and they can’t say no.

It is a vicious circle … no effort from men, means more single women… which gives the men in relationships more temptation to cheat…

Of course there are exceptions to the rule… but as women we need to stand strong with what we believe in and never settle for less.

Ring a ding ding- are those alarm bells ringing?

Alarm Bells

When it comes to dating there are some key signs signalling when you should opt out. These are called red flags or alarm bells. Often these signs become aparent from the first few dates, and become esspecially aparant after a few glasses of wine!

The first red flag appears when it comes time to pay the bill.

I am all up for equality but there is a time and a place. The invitee should always pay. I mean it is polite to offer to pay but I am a traditionalist when it comes to first dates and I think the invittee (man) should pay. Nothing is more awkward or uncomfortable when he accepts your offer and splits the bill.

Red flag number 2… NEVER and I mean NEVER talk about your ex on a first date. That goes for him too. If he talks about his ex on the first date something must be wrong…he either isn’t over her or he is feels he needs to gloat in front of you. First dates are about getting to know somone new, not rehashing the past.

I have surveyed quite a few women on this topic and most say if the man is too open too quickly it is a major turn off. For example talking about sex, how much of it they like, why the like it, who they’re having it with etc  etc etc .

These are fine conversation topics just not on the first date. A definite red flag when you’re just getting to know someone.

Another alarm bell is when they constantly talk about themselves…No one wants to date a narcasist (from personal experience) so if your date is constantly talking about himself then, A that is dead boring and B behaviour of a Narcasist. Conversation needs to flow and there needs to be some giving and taking.

Flag number 5…Bad table manners! A big no and a true red flag. It is a turn off and embarrassing. You can tell a lot from first impressions and bad table manners screams sloppiness. This flag also applies to swearing…swearing is unattractive and unsexy.

Also look at how he treats the women in his life (mother, sister etc)…if he doesn’t treat them well he won’t treat you well. That’s a red flag number six.

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How Leona Lewis taught me a valuable lesson in love…

are you serious

Dating can sometimes lead to love… and in my case it did.

Back in 2009 I was doing some freelance work for a newspaper. I was 22 naive and in hindsight made very silly man choices.

The first day in the office I was spotted by a journalist and for some reason he took quite a shine to me. He took me under his wing helping me over achieve in a position I was very unfamiliar with.

He had a girlfriend who he had also met at the paper… but from what he had told me their three year relationship was on the rocks.

So one thing led to another and he charmed his way into my life. A few months on he broke up with his girlfriend for me and without even shedding a tear he jumped full force into a relationship with me… well so I thought…

For a whole year he refused to take me out to dinner, he wouldn’t take me out ANYWHERE not even to the movies claiming he was still getting over his breakup… (he broke up with her for me?).

One evening he had promised to help me move house.. he said he would be at over at 6pm to help out… he never showed.

I sent him a polite text asking of his whereabouts and I didn’t get a reply.

I was upset, when you rely on someone and they let you down it is never a nice feeling. I didn’t here from him for TWO weeks. Not a phone call or a text, nothing. It was the longest two weeks of my life. I listened to Leona Lewis everyday in the car to and from work.(embarrassing?!?!)  She saved me. If it was’t for Leona things may have been different!!

After two weeks of scilence he turned up at my work with flowers… apologising for his no show. I dismissed him and said it was too late, I had moved on.

The next night he called me claiming he had suicidal thoughts (for f++ks sake!). I stuck to my guns and said he was too late and i had moved on.

For weeks he would turn up on my doorstep asking for forgiveness… I eventually, stupidly took him back.

I am going to cut a long broken hearted story short.

We ended up living together.. and we even ended up working together. I really loved him. I thought I was going to marry the guy.

He made me laugh, cry, and heck he even made me mad at times… but I still loved him.

One day 3 years into our relationship I caught him cheating with a collegue!! We worked in the same office so it was far from pleasant.

He left me for her.

And the plot thickens.

She had a boyfriend who a month later she found out she was having a baby with. WOW! So karma bit him in the bum and he ended up with nobody!

A few months on and we were still working together I found out he was dating another colleague… and had slept with two others.

Three years on Leona Lewis is playing in my car…

Listening to Leona made me realise that if I had never taken him back the first time I wouldn’t be broken hearted.

But having your heart broken is a part of life, if you haven’t loved you haven’t lived..

What I learnt was life is black and white… if someone does wrong by you there should be no second chances, no if’s, no buts.

I will never make that mistake again.

Had to be there…

corkscrew

When writing about dating it is hard to know where to start… I have been single for two years and in that time I would of been on more than 50 dates. Sounds like a lot but that is less than 1 a fortnight.

The next date I am going to share with you is one I like to call ‘Had to be there’. I call it this because at the time it felt like it was one of the worst dates I had ever experienced….in hindsight the whole situation was quite comical.

So here goes…

I met Sam one night at a house party in Bondi, Sydney… He seemed nice and quite good looking. He asked for my number so I gave it to him.

A few days later he called me and asked me over to his house for dinner. I thought that was rather forward for a first date, but accepted nether the less.

I always have the opinion that if a man asks you to his house for dinner they want more than dinner (I think any male would back me up). If I could give you any advice it would be not to have a home cooked meal as your first date…

…anyway…

A few days later the evening arrived. I was meant to be at his house at 7pm but arrived at 6:50pm to be punctual. As I was parking my car I heard a kerfuffle across the road.

I looked over to see Sam (my date) having a confrontation with a much bigger guy. They were throwing punches. I ran across the road to see what was going on… The bigger guy was yelling about the groceries which were strewn all over his manicured garden. There were broken eggs, tomatoes and a whole bunch of other groceries on the ground.

To this day I am not entirely sure why they were throwing punches but there must have been some built up history between them.

Anyway… my date was on the ground bleeding from his nose (seriously!?!?!). I picked him up and took him to his apartment.

We walked into the apartment and things went from bad to worse.

His apartment was basically a squatters nest.

I have an open mind when it comes to most things but this was ghastly. There were bunk beds in the lounge room…as well as in two of the bedrooms. There must of been about 4 people sleeping in each bedroom and another four sleeping in the lounge room.

There were beer bottles lying on the floor… there was so much rubbish and junk on the balcony you could barely see out… there were cigarette butts on the ground and the ashtrays were over flowing not to mention the strong cigarette smoke stench.

In a nutshell I don’t think the place had been cleaned for 10 years…  I learnt that you can never truly know a man until you see where he lives.

After I had cleaned his face from all the blood that was now beginning to dry on it. I pulled out a bottle of wine.. my date scrounged around for some odd wine glasses that also looked like they hadn’t been cleaned in 10 years.

After realising the wine wasn’t a screw top he informed me he didn’t have a bottle opener! (what twenty something person doesn’t have a cork screw)

He then had decided it would be a good idea if I drove to buy a bottle opener?!?!?! I politely agreed not wanting to be rude.

Let me remind you this is a FIRST DATE…

I got to my car and all I could do was cry.. I bawled my eyes out, hysterically crying. Looking back i am not sure why I wasn’t laughing but I was so overwhelmed by the fight, then the pigsty, then the cork screw that I didn’t know what else to do.

I called my friend crying and explained what had happened… with a five minute pep talk I pulled my self together drove to the nearest bottle shop and bought a cork screw.

Part of me really didn’t want to go back, but I really didn’t want to be rude and I kind of felt sorry for the poor guy.

I drove back and we ate overcooked chicken sitting on the dirty couch (he didn’t have a dining table due to crammed in bunk beds).

After all that went down he still thought he had a chance at making a move, with a bleeding nose and all. I made it quite clear no funny business would be happening and it was time for me to go.

I left and never saw him again.

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Todays Dating Tips

Never accept a home cooked meal as a first date.

If your date asks you to leave to get a cork screw…run and never go back!

Crying can help you feel better

love game – PART 1

datingpic

Dating is a game… it’s all in how you play.

There are many DO’s and DON’Ts when it comes to dating.

The first thing to remember about dating is it’s a discovery phase… It is about getting to know someone new, their values, goals, interests and ideas.

A date is not an hour study cram, you don’t need to learn every ounce of information about the man to see if he will make the perfect long term suitor.

Don’t interrogate… relax…talk about the news of the day, world issues and ask them what their interests are… you don’t need to pick their brain about everything from their childhood to their chosen funeral home.

It is important to date with a level head, no expectations. That way you won’t be disappointed.

Be open to the fact they may not have all the same interests as you…and it doesn’t matter. 

Don’t place so much pressure on the first date. If it doesn’t live up to expectations give them another chance to make their mark… It is important to give this fresh blood a couple of chances…. besides you can’t possibly know someone from a short dinner or drink.

First impressions count so make sure you’re well groomed, showered and fresh… no one want’s a smelly date.

Table manners are important (thanks mum)…if he hasn’t got any alarm bells should be ringing.

It’s ok to drink a wine or two, even a cocktail might ease the the jitters but ladies don’t over drink… a) a drunk date is not attractive b) you should stay safe c) alcohol encourages actions and activities you otherwise wouldn’t consider.

Starting from scratch with someone knew can be hard. But it is important to remember that you will never know if you don’t give it a go.

he did what?

I had just arrived in London on a 2 year working trip… missing summer and missing home I begrudgingly agreed to be set up on a blind date.

It couldn’t hurt, why not I thought. Besides I didn’t know many people in London.

My door bell rang right on time. 7pm. Slightly terrified at what was going to be behind the door to greet me, I opened it.

There standing before me was a pale, tall,  semi balding looking specimen. Somewhat oversized. Not oversized in a rugged hansome type of way more of a chubby cheek, man boob kind of way.

But what the heck… I had already agreed and I couldn’t back out the oversized man was standing in my doorway… so I smiled politely shut the door behind me and off we went.

We walked to his vehicle.. a gold champagne coloured Porsche, Boxster. At this stage I wasn’t sure whether to run for my life or quickly get into the car in the hope no one would see me. So god help me I got in.

Oversized Frank ( my date) was so smooth he insisted we drive with the roof down… let me remind you November in London is bloody FREEZING!!! But oh no Frank didn’t care he was happy to show of his near balding head to the gawking pedestrians.

In spite of been absolutely and utterly embarrassed and just plain freezing I smiled and politely pretended like I thought he was uber cool for driving a gold coloured convertible in minus 5 degrees.

We arrived at dinner… and things went from bad to worse.

During the main course Frank managed to spill a glass of red wine which splattered all over my white, very cute, very expensive top. I laughed it off, inside I was screaming… I wanted to leave. Conversation had dried up an hour ago and we were on to the topic of ‘who was your childhood sweetheart’… I mean seriously we were hitting it off.

We skipped desert and got the bill. I always offer to pay. So I did. AND I kid you not he said “lets go halves”…

We walked out to the gold car. He offered to drive me home.. A tempting offer (not!?!),  but politely declined and said I would jump in a cab instead to save him the hassle.

He leant in for the kiss… on the lips. (SERIOUSLY!?!?!) I mean what planet was this Martian from.

The next day I got a text. it read ” Hi sweetie , nice to meet you, sorry about the wine spill, dinner Saturday night?”

I said “Hi Frank, Thanks for dinner, you’re great but just got out of a relationship and not really wanting to date at the moment. If anything changes I will let you know”

He said ” Potato head no problems,  call me if you are ever up for a good time 😉 ”

And with the memory I would take with me for eternity …being called a Potato head, i deleted his number and never looked back.

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Todays Dating Tips

Don’t ride in a convertible in winter

Don’t ever ride in a gold porsche

Blind dates are dangerous

Some men think it’s ok to call a woman ‘potato head’

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If you have an outrageous dating story let us know!

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