Ring a ding ding- are those alarm bells ringing?

Alarm Bells

When it comes to dating there are some key signs signalling when you should opt out. These are called red flags or alarm bells. Often these signs become aparent from the first few dates, and become esspecially aparant after a few glasses of wine!

The first red flag appears when it comes time to pay the bill.

I am all up for equality but there is a time and a place. The invitee should always pay. I mean it is polite to offer to pay but I am a traditionalist when it comes to first dates and I think the invittee (man) should pay. Nothing is more awkward or uncomfortable when he accepts your offer and splits the bill.

Red flag number 2… NEVER and I mean NEVER talk about your ex on a first date. That goes for him too. If he talks about his ex on the first date something must be wrong…he either isn’t over her or he is feels he needs to gloat in front of you. First dates are about getting to know somone new, not rehashing the past.

I have surveyed quite a few women on this topic and most say if the man is too open too quickly it is a major turn off. For example talking about sex, how much of it they like, why the like it, who they’re having it with etc  etc etc .

These are fine conversation topics just not on the first date. A definite red flag when you’re just getting to know someone.

Another alarm bell is when they constantly talk about themselves…No one wants to date a narcasist (from personal experience) so if your date is constantly talking about himself then, A that is dead boring and B behaviour of a Narcasist. Conversation needs to flow and there needs to be some giving and taking.

Flag number 5…Bad table manners! A big no and a true red flag. It is a turn off and embarrassing. You can tell a lot from first impressions and bad table manners screams sloppiness. This flag also applies to swearing…swearing is unattractive and unsexy.

Also look at how he treats the women in his life (mother, sister etc)…if he doesn’t treat them well he won’t treat you well. That’s a red flag number six.

x

How Leona Lewis taught me a valuable lesson in love…

are you serious

Dating can sometimes lead to love… and in my case it did.

Back in 2009 I was doing some freelance work for a newspaper. I was 22 naive and in hindsight made very silly man choices.

The first day in the office I was spotted by a journalist and for some reason he took quite a shine to me. He took me under his wing helping me over achieve in a position I was very unfamiliar with.

He had a girlfriend who he had also met at the paper… but from what he had told me their three year relationship was on the rocks.

So one thing led to another and he charmed his way into my life. A few months on he broke up with his girlfriend for me and without even shedding a tear he jumped full force into a relationship with me… well so I thought…

For a whole year he refused to take me out to dinner, he wouldn’t take me out ANYWHERE not even to the movies claiming he was still getting over his breakup… (he broke up with her for me?).

One evening he had promised to help me move house.. he said he would be at over at 6pm to help out… he never showed.

I sent him a polite text asking of his whereabouts and I didn’t get a reply.

I was upset, when you rely on someone and they let you down it is never a nice feeling. I didn’t here from him for TWO weeks. Not a phone call or a text, nothing. It was the longest two weeks of my life. I listened to Leona Lewis everyday in the car to and from work.(embarrassing?!?!)  She saved me. If it was’t for Leona things may have been different!!

After two weeks of scilence he turned up at my work with flowers… apologising for his no show. I dismissed him and said it was too late, I had moved on.

The next night he called me claiming he had suicidal thoughts (for f++ks sake!). I stuck to my guns and said he was too late and i had moved on.

For weeks he would turn up on my doorstep asking for forgiveness… I eventually, stupidly took him back.

I am going to cut a long broken hearted story short.

We ended up living together.. and we even ended up working together. I really loved him. I thought I was going to marry the guy.

He made me laugh, cry, and heck he even made me mad at times… but I still loved him.

One day 3 years into our relationship I caught him cheating with a collegue!! We worked in the same office so it was far from pleasant.

He left me for her.

And the plot thickens.

She had a boyfriend who a month later she found out she was having a baby with. WOW! So karma bit him in the bum and he ended up with nobody!

A few months on and we were still working together I found out he was dating another colleague… and had slept with two others.

Three years on Leona Lewis is playing in my car…

Listening to Leona made me realise that if I had never taken him back the first time I wouldn’t be broken hearted.

But having your heart broken is a part of life, if you haven’t loved you haven’t lived..

What I learnt was life is black and white… if someone does wrong by you there should be no second chances, no if’s, no buts.

I will never make that mistake again.